this is the way the escalator holds the cart in place... so it doesn't tilt... and it rides up all the way alongside the people escalator...  

this is the fun cart escalator featured in 2-story target stores... there is a 2-story target in portland and there's one north of seattle... it makes for a fun random thing you don't see everyday... when amy was here visiting, she didn't get to push a cart onto the escalator... i don't know who's to blame... but these pictures are for her!!! 

way past my bedtime...

there's so much stuff running through my head... so many random blogging ideas... so little energy left in the day... i think my problem is that i don't want to take a lot of time to write about each one... but they don't really fit together in any form... so i guess i'll just write random thoughts...

friday's show - i went to hear my friend's band play (a friend from school)... it was a pretty small crowd... but it was a great show... i really do love live music - and they did a great job of making it fun and playful... plus they're really talented... it was cool... i was glad i went... i have some mixed emotions from stuff surrounding the show, but nothing that i want to talk about so openly...

the wedding... actually the reception... okay, to be honest... last summer, i was kind of interested in the guy... he's a great guy... i'm really happy for the two of them... a lot of people who were at the wedding knew that i had been interested in him... they kept giving me this look that said, "i know that you wanted it to be you..." and then they'd touch my arm or give me the christian side-hug and say, "are you okay?" it was weird... if i hadn't been okay with it, i wouldn't have been at the wedding... they are great for each other and i couldn't be happier for the two of them...

also at the reception... i was sitting there, listening to the music, eating cake... when all of a sudden, i tuned into the music... the song was "lady is a tramp" by frank sinatra... i understand that the word tramp has different connotations depending on context, culture, time period... i don't know if it was a compilation cd that they didn't really listen to... maybe it has special meaning... it just seemed so weird... someone commented... "top ten songs you don't want played at your wedding reception... it'd be on the list..." maybe it was just me... it seemed weird...

i had the funniest movie quote of the day on here... but it seems a bit crude... i just realized my grandma might be reading this... don't want to offend... but it's so funny... but i'm not going to put it... i'll think about it...

tonight, i got an unexpected-let's-hang-out phone call... which was cool... i went to portland and went to target with a friend... we shopped for baby shower gifts and other random stuff - mostly stuff i needed for the house... laundry detergent, fabric softener... that sort of thing... i got some other fun stuff, too... so much for my low-key, hanging out at the house with no one around and doing laundry night...

spirng break is this week... which doesn't really mean anything other than i don't have to be at school late tomorrow - i still have to work regular hours... i wish i could just work until 11 tomorrow like i do most tuesdays... but i will have to work a normal work day...

one of the actors that was on the show freaks and geeks (a great show) was just on the show "yes, dear" - cool...

i made "dinner" last night - a friend came over to watch movies... i made pizza rolls... i burned the roof of my mouth bad... and it's so sore... everything i hate today was painful... all because i wasn't patient to wait for the pizza rolls to cool down...

okay - i don't really have a point... i think i'm going to draw the line now and go to bed... i'm so tired!!!

hate it...love it...

i decided this weekend that i hate and love weddings the same amount at the same time...

i love weddings because i love the symbolism of the ceremony... i love the roles of the attendants... what their "jobs" mean... i love the symbolism behind the father giving the bride away... the lighting of the unity candle, the vows... i love the way i've seen every groom look the first time he sees the bride in her dress...

i hate the way it feels... i hate the way that there is so much emphasis put on the ceremony that we forget to pray for the marriage... that the day is nothing compared to the lifetime that a couple is going to spend together... i hate the formality of it all... i hate sitting there thinking it's never going to happen to me... i hate that i always cry - even if it's not sad... always...

i'm thinking there might be other stuff that i hate and love at the same time the same amount... but i thought i'd throw that one out there... it hit with full force this weekend...

kinda like friday...

today is thursday... the end of the day on thursday... as soon as i finish this blog entry and print off some directions for my fun trip this weekend (hopefully), then i'm heading home... tomorrow is friday... most fridays are good fridays, but tomorrow is GOOD FRIDAY... which means i have a day off of work... this is the first holiday of the year (of 4) that i've actually gotten to take off - don't have to show up at all... get to sleep in... good times... good friday... :)

plus, tonight i get to go have cold stone with the sr. high young life leader that i haven't met before... i'm looking forward to some good ice cream with a girl i know is cool because people have said i remind them of her... she has to be cool... :)

plus, i'm going to seattle tomorrow... i love seattle... i love going out of town... love road trips... (this is why i could never live in hawaii... where would you go?) a friend's band is playing in everett tomorrow night... i have to wait on a chair being delivered to me - my favorite chair in the world - it's getting to my apartment sometime tomorrow afternoon... i have to wait on it before i can leave on my road trip... so hopefully it will get to my apartment soon so i can get on the road to everett...

then... saturday, i'm off to a wedding... i worked camp with them, went to school with buck... it should be great... i am going to the wedding with heather (i hope!) and we are hopefully going to get to hang out, too... outside of the wedding...

then sunday easter stuff at my church will be a crazy fun long day...

then spring break for school is next week - too bad i still have to be at work... :(... but i don't have to think about that for 3 more days!!!

i hope a wonderful easter is experienced by all, as well as a terrific weekend!!!

long overdue...

i realized earlier this week that i haven't really cried lately... not that i'm used to crying everyday or that i miss it - but i definitely need random days where i kind of cry my eyes out and the next day everything is okay... so i haven't had one of those in a long time... yesterday i kind of cried a little... and that made me think it's coming soon - i thought that maybe today (which was tomorrow) would be my day to cry and cry... and you kn0w - just the opposite happened... i've laughed a whole lot today - at random stuff, some not-so-random stuff... and just kind of thought funny thoughts in my head during class - and in discussions with people... it's like i've had this attitude where nothing is going to get me down... and i like that... i've snorted an excessive amount today... and it's been nice to feel joy when i thought i was going to have sadness... i'm not sure why i thought i would - but i'm thankful i didn't...

random sentences... i wish i could write normally - today's just random... i'm going to go home and watch gilmore girls, even though it's a rerun - and even that won't get me down!!

oh, oh, i'm walkin' on sunshine and don't it feel good?

i knew it...

this was the email from cameron (my boss) titled "prophet robyn"

From one news account:

On Sunday evening, the day former hostage Ashley Smith told a press conference that reading an excerpt from the book to suspect Brian Nichols was a turning point in ending her captivity, the book ranked 54 on the Amazon.com bestseller list. By Tuesday it was No. 2, behind a pre-order of the new Harry Potter book due out in July.

winning one more for jesus...

we just had our northwest baptist convention evangelism conference this past week... bobby welch, the president of the southern baptist convention, urged us to share Jesus because "everyone can" - together we can reach 1 million people for Christ... as i pondered on how i can "win one more for the Lord," i heard about this news bit from my boss... i guess all i need is the book the purpose driven life... (in case you didn't know - we're both cynics by nature - so this is all in good clean fun - but it is for real)

i guess purpose driven life sales will once again go through the roof and soon, we'll have white purpose-driven life surrender rags... and maybe even gags!

a little bit o' a.d.d...

i'm studying with friends for a history midterm... i'm getting sleepy... i love the company, but i don't like history... i don't love studying for history... i don't mind the class and am enjoying the information quite a bit... however... i don't love studying for tests or feeling like i have to memorize a ton of information all that much... it will pass...

i've decided i don't like returning to work after the weekends... i love the weekends... it comes with the territory of having a grown-up job... and sometimes it's no fun... but i guess i will have to deal with that... tons of people do every day!!!

i got into a car accident on thursday - i had a pretty irritating week in general last week... i was tired of everyone - people at work were mad at me, i was frustrated with them... it wasn't a great week - monday and tuesday were the evangelism conference for our convention, so i had to work extra long hours... then wednesday we had a special called meeting where we elected my new boss who starts in mid-april... and the rest of the week was just mad crazy - i probably worked about 60 hours... and then the accident on thursday - it was an irritating end to an irritating day - no one was hurt - mild fender-bender - but enough to land me a big insurance bill - $500 deductible... but my dad is gracious and is paying for that part - but i have a bunch of other random expenses that have come up lately - 2 new tires, another random bill... blah... i don't like the random stuff that comes up all the time... oh well... that's life...

okay - i think i'm done with studying for the night... i think i'll head home... i have a bit of a drive ahead of me... just wanted to update - it's been a while... for those of you - the faithful (amy)

hope things are good... it's about to be the start of a new week... i need to make the most of it...

lazy sunday afternoons are the best thing ever...

enough said...

little bits...

i was really looking forward to first thursday tonight (artsy stuff in portland)... even though i hadn't found anyone to go with me, i was still planning on going to portland and being, in the midst of galleries, etc... there's a show called avant grande tonight, featuring art of local starbucks employees... i feel like it's going to be a dressy event - and i don't think my outfit from work is going to be suitable... i wanted to go home and change clothes... and i guess i have time... i was just looking forward to having some down time before driving home (north) and then back to portland (south) for the evening...

so at this point, i've decided not to go, even though i think it would be fun... i haven't eaten dinner and don't really need to spend money, etc... it'd be a headache to go at this point, which is kind of frustrating, because i stayed late at work to get a project done - i didn't have to stay, but i chose to, which pretty much meant that i chose not to go to first thursday and the avant grande show... the sacrifices we make for work - whatever...

_______________

enough of the pity party... on to a different story - my boss (cameron) doesn't award wittiest comment of the day like i do - but if he did, i think i would have one it... (he kind of indicated that... and i made a second comment that would have been runner-up... i told him that i only get 2 a week... they both just happened to fall on the same day...)

one of the ladies in my building is retiring... it's been the subject of many inner-office jokes lately... first, because we've sent out 3 different mailings of 1,400 invitations/announcements about the celebration event in april... and then she came into my office last week and asked if i'd generate another flyer for the event... to go out to the same 1,400 people... second, because, on everything it talks about monetary gifts... do we need more of a hint?

so, i was looking over the flyer with cameron and one of the secretaries... and we were pretty much making jokes about the whole thing... and then i say... (talking about the gifts associated with retirement) "i need to retire to get the gifts... either that or register like i'm getting married, but without all the side effects" - it probably wasn't that funny - but we all kind of laughed... and then i thought... wait... i think i need to blog about that...

marriage without all the negative side effects... is this what i'm really wishing for? i'm really wanting to not be alone - i would love to date, whether serious or not... and i want to get married - when it comes down to it, i don't want to be alone, honestly... but is what i'm really wishing for a marriage without the negative side effects? do i desire the good aspects of marriage but not the hard stuff and the bad aspects...

anyway - that's it... that's all i have for the day... it's way past time to go home... so that's what i'm going to do!!

500 miles...

i gave in tonight and watched benny and joon... amy loves it, and it's not that i didn't want to see it - i just hadn't... so i rented it the night before last, and i did like it... i like johnny depp differently than most girls i know... i don't really find him attractive at all, but in his roles, i find him gripping - i don't know if that's a good word or if it makes sense... but to explain further - i recently saw finding neverland... he made j.m. barrie come alive in my mind... in benny and joon, i found myself drawn to his character... i wanted to know someone like sam... i want a sam in my life - someone who is able to be a rescuer by making me smile and laugh... i definititely underestimated how much i'd actually like this movie... it's not automatically one of my favites, but it was more than enjoyable... and i love the music in it... i'm gonna be (500 miles) by the proclaimers is a song i love, (there is other GREAT music throughout the movie, too...) so i appreciated it in the context of the movie tonight... (and sadly enough, i think i realized i like steven curtis chapman's version of it better than the proclaimers... i know... tragedy!) i felt like posting the lyrics, so i am...

I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles)
originally by the Proclaimers

When I wake up yeah I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who wakes up next to you
When I go out yeah I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who goes along with you
Proclaimers version:
If I get drunk yes I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who gets drunk next to you
And if I haver yeah I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who's havering to you
Steven's version:
When I'm lonely well I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man whose lonely without you
When I'm dreaming well I know I'm gonna dream
I'm gonna dream about the time when I'm with you

But I would walk 500 miles
And I would walk 500 more
Just to be the man who walked a thousand miles
To fall down at your door

When I'm working yes I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who's working hard for you
And when the money comes in for the work I'll do
I'll pass almost every penny on to you
When I come home yeah I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who comes back home to you
And if I grow old well I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who's growing old with you

But I would walk 500 miles
And I would walk 500 more
Just to be the man who walked a thousand miles
To fall down at your door

(instrumental)

When I'm dreaming well I know I'm gonna dream
Dream about the time when I'm with you
And when I wake up yeah I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who wakes up next to you
And when I go out well I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who goes along with you
When I come home yes I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who comes back home to you
I'm gonna be the man who comes back home to you

But I would walk 500 miles
And I would walk 500 more
Just to be the man who walked a thousand miles
To fall down at your door

But I would walk 500 miles
And I would walk 500 more
Just to be the man who walked a thousand miles
To fall down at your door
I'll be at your door

oh - random sidenote at the end of my post - i got my grade for my final project in theology (the photography project that i posted a couple of weeks ago) - i got a 100% on it... i've never gotten a perfect score on a final project... i shared with him how much i appreciated his freedom in allowing us to choose projects that are meaningful to us... and overall, he was impressed with our work... it was a win-win situation, so i get to do something else fun this semester!!!

first wednesday of the month...

it's one of my favorite times of work - we have staff chapel for an hour first thing in the morning... and then everyone goes into meetings - except for me and maybe one other person - but in my part of the world, it's only me and richard (printer) - and basically, we keep to ourselves most of the time anyway... i like it because it's quiet... completely quiet - except the clicking of the keys on my keyboard and the distant hum of something (lights?)...

i don't write anymore... it's a sad reality in my life right now... while i was talking with amy last night, i realized that i don't really write much these days... i don't think i'm a great writer (at all) - however, it helps me process a lot of the time - and i can find nuggets of good stuff in my writing... lately, i haven't done the writing - and therefore, the processing - and i think it got me in trouble... having not processed everything thoroughly, i think i got a little overwhelmed - and last week would have been a much more pleasant experience had i been able to see what was going on - had i processed it then - and not try to reconstruct it in my mind this week...

i'm trying to get a hold of this whole "christian" thing, too... there is a lot that i'm trying to figure out... not that i think i'm going to be able to, fully... so much of my attitude is cynical, skeptical... i don't want to fall in the pattern of the "christians" that i know that i don't like... i also don't want to fall the other way in being so skeptical of them that i miss out on learning important truth from their lives and experiences...

i don't want to think of ministry as a job or this life that i'm living as a routine... i don't want to just walk the journey, just get by - but frolic - enjoy it, skip merrily along the path - taking moments to stop when needed and rushing by when necessary... i don't want to give up on people when they let me down...

i don't want to just be aware, but wise... i say stupid stuff a lot... i wonder how many people have been hurt by the things i say... i don't really want to know... but i wish that people didn't feel pain because of stupid things i've let roll of my tongue with little regard for the hearers of my thoughtless words...

sometimes i wish i was more qualified for the task at hand... at the end, i'm typically grateful that i wasn't more qualified because i wouldn't have learned as much patience or trust... sometimes, though, it would feel nice to feel like i know what i'm doing...

it's the first wednesday of the month... i better get some work done...

being john cusack...

i watched being john malkovich last night - i have mixed feelings about charlie kaufman... i hated adaptation (which, according to everyone, was supposed to mean that i hate being john malkovich), loved eternal sunshine of the spotless mind... and surprisingly liked being john malkovich... yes, it was weird - but i liked it... i don't know if i'll run out and buy it - or if it is one of my top movies seen in '05 - but it was much better than i expected...

interesting...

what if there were a portal into john cusack's brain... that would be weird... or into anyone's brain... strange...

according to imdb.com, In the first draft of the script, Lester and his friends weren't using Malkovich's portal as a means for extending their lives, but in a plot to take over the world in the name of Satan. Satan was the mysterious 'Flemmer' that the Merton-Flemmer building was half named after.

that's even weirder... i'm kind of thankful they went with the whole extending life storyline... i don't know that i would have felt comfortable with them using john malkovich's body as a means to taking over the world in the name of satan - even though i think he is creepy and have never much liked john malkovich...

just random thoughts for a random day... i'm off to class now... we may be watching luther (not loser) in class today - which would make me really happy!